There are no “Black passes.” When our White friends ask why they can’t use the n-word, I always wonder why they would even want to.Even though your husband’s ”last Black girlfriend loved it,” he should respect your choices. In addition, no one should ever compare a partner to an ex.Your husband’s behavior and your acceptance of it have eroded the intimacy between you.The foundation of love is trust and a feeling of security.My investment banker husband is from a White old money family.I am a first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica.Our sex life is pretty much over right now because I pretend to be asleep every time my sexy, handsome man wants to be with me. I love my husband deeply so please don’t tell me to leave him because that’s not what I want to do. Please tell me racial slurs aren’t normal between interracial couples?I would like to figure this out before we have kids but I can’t afford to leave him and still maintain my lifestyle. P., There is nothing about this situation that is okay. The biggest sex organ for us as women is between our ears.
Richard Bashir Otukoya has some bad relationship stories. They ripple with a hurt most of us don’t experience.Reality check: I know that you don’t want to leave your husband. If traveling the globe playing “Real Housewife of the Big House” while he drops n-bombs is not your idea of fun then you need to ask yourself some serious questions.It’s a beautiful thing that you are taking your vows seriously. Your sex life will not improve unless your man changes his behavior and you feel heard. Write this down: The only man you can change is one wearing diapers. Hubbie has to first realize the depths of what he is doing wrong. In addition, you may want to examine your own racial attitudes.His comments are verbally abusive and emotionally harmful.I agree that this issue needs to be addressed before you bring children into the picture.I am sorry that you had challenging experiences with your previous partners.